So this Saturday Father Jonathan prepared a retreat for the new converts.
I woke up tired, like most mothers do.
Drank my huge mug of coffee, 500mls to be exact, and then I got ready.
Jacques and I were off.
In the car, I thought,
"is this retreat going to be as awesome as the others that I have been to, as a protestant?"
And then I thought,
"I really need to make a shopping list!"
(I did!)
And so it began...
A journey I never know I'm going on.
An excitement, anxiety, awaiting the unexpected God on the other side.
One of the ponderings for this retreat was,
"who am I?"
and yes who am I?
Again as I scratched in my book with my felt tip pen, I like those,
a list,
only one thing stood out for me,
in my own list,
was that:
I am HIS!
This song played as we contemplated:
Who am I
Casting Crowns
"Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours"
Love and Light
Monday, March 25, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Conversion | Sacrament of Reconciliation
I have been wanting to write this for a while now.
I not sure how to go about, yes I feel that way even as I write.
Our conversion to Catholicism has raised some interesting lunch talks.
At the moment it is a sensitive topic amongst our family.
(Our family is Christian but Non Catholic)
I couldn't give you their part.
We love them and they love us, for now that's what we all need!
I guess some of the popular questions are:
Do you believe in Jesus?
What about the Trinity?
You guys still believe that Jesus died for our sins, right?
Mary!!! But Catholics worship Mary!!!
Do you?
Yep Catholics believe in Jesus and that He died for our sins.
And yes to the Trinity.
Yes we honor Mary, worship, no.
She had a huge part to play.
She raised Jesus.
Given that He became fully Man.
She was His Mother.
I am a Mother.
Its not easy to bring up a little bub, then toddler, then teenager, then young adult and then to bear witness to His death.
A painful one.
More on Conversion
When we became Catholic, we had to join a group called the RCIA | Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, like catechism for grown ups. You have to attend this class for a year, after Easter all the way through till the next Easter mass.
Here you learn about the Catholic Church; the historical church (all the good and bad stuff), the modern church,the pope and the Petrine seat, confession, lent, advent, the liturgy of the Catholic church (one of the main reasons of our conversion), the mass, Mary, The Saints and why we pray to them, The Nicene Creed, the Lords Prayer, The Eucharist and loads more.
Lent is a special time for us new converts, at the beginning of the season we get presented to the Bishop as the Elect and our names are entered into a book. (This happens ALL over the world on the same day). Before we left our Parish our Priest performed the Blessing of the Senses Ceremony.
Here we were presented to our church community and some of them stand around us;
they make the the sign of the cross on our:
Eyes - to be able to see the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Ears - to be able to hear the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Lips - to have the courage to speak the cross/ gospel of Christ to the World
Shoulders - to carry the cross with Christ in this World
Hands - to take and be the gospel to this World
Feet - to go with the Gospel.
So it was a beautiful thing that happened to Jacques and I.
All of those words were so beautiful to me and still are.
The Catholic Church has sacraments and one of them is the Sacrament of Reconciliation, in other words Confession. So for a Non Catholic its a life time of Sin! However given that I was baptized when I was 17, only 15 years then of confession!!!
STILL.
It was daunting and I had spent a fair amount of time arguing with God, telling Him that I thought I had dealt with this and that and now I have to bring it all up again!!! And that I did not need my Parish Priest judging me on things that God had already spoken to me about and disciplined me. Yep and you know what, I sat down, meditated, went through the Beatitudes, the Seven Deadly sins, my life, my heart; for two weeks and even up until the point before I walked into the confession booth I was scratching into my book sins that just came up and out and things that I did not think were anything at all at the time of doing them.
I went in and said to Father Jonathan "I don't know what the right words are, I don't even understand why I have to confess to you." I put myself out there, I said I have no idea what to say and what to start of with, handed him my scratchy writing, (yes I even sat in RIGHT in front of him, you are supposed to kneel behind the screen, yes just like in the movies)! He said that God has forgiven me and that for Penance I should burn my sins, he didn't even look at my writing. He ended off by quoting Matthew 18:18, “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
I understand now.
But Still.
"Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and I will be healed"
- said during Mass before the Eucharist is taken, based on Matthew 8:8.
Love and Light
I not sure how to go about, yes I feel that way even as I write.
Our conversion to Catholicism has raised some interesting lunch talks.
At the moment it is a sensitive topic amongst our family.
(Our family is Christian but Non Catholic)
I couldn't give you their part.
We love them and they love us, for now that's what we all need!
I guess some of the popular questions are:
Do you believe in Jesus?
What about the Trinity?
You guys still believe that Jesus died for our sins, right?
Mary!!! But Catholics worship Mary!!!
Do you?
Yep Catholics believe in Jesus and that He died for our sins.
And yes to the Trinity.
Yes we honor Mary, worship, no.
She had a huge part to play.
She raised Jesus.
Given that He became fully Man.
She was His Mother.
I am a Mother.
Its not easy to bring up a little bub, then toddler, then teenager, then young adult and then to bear witness to His death.
A painful one.
More on Conversion
When we became Catholic, we had to join a group called the RCIA | Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, like catechism for grown ups. You have to attend this class for a year, after Easter all the way through till the next Easter mass.
Here you learn about the Catholic Church; the historical church (all the good and bad stuff), the modern church,the pope and the Petrine seat, confession, lent, advent, the liturgy of the Catholic church (one of the main reasons of our conversion), the mass, Mary, The Saints and why we pray to them, The Nicene Creed, the Lords Prayer, The Eucharist and loads more.
Lent is a special time for us new converts, at the beginning of the season we get presented to the Bishop as the Elect and our names are entered into a book. (This happens ALL over the world on the same day). Before we left our Parish our Priest performed the Blessing of the Senses Ceremony.
Here we were presented to our church community and some of them stand around us;
they make the the sign of the cross on our:
Eyes - to be able to see the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Ears - to be able to hear the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Lips - to have the courage to speak the cross/ gospel of Christ to the World
Shoulders - to carry the cross with Christ in this World
Hands - to take and be the gospel to this World
Feet - to go with the Gospel.
So it was a beautiful thing that happened to Jacques and I.
All of those words were so beautiful to me and still are.
The Catholic Church has sacraments and one of them is the Sacrament of Reconciliation, in other words Confession. So for a Non Catholic its a life time of Sin! However given that I was baptized when I was 17, only 15 years then of confession!!!
STILL.
It was daunting and I had spent a fair amount of time arguing with God, telling Him that I thought I had dealt with this and that and now I have to bring it all up again!!! And that I did not need my Parish Priest judging me on things that God had already spoken to me about and disciplined me. Yep and you know what, I sat down, meditated, went through the Beatitudes, the Seven Deadly sins, my life, my heart; for two weeks and even up until the point before I walked into the confession booth I was scratching into my book sins that just came up and out and things that I did not think were anything at all at the time of doing them.
I went in and said to Father Jonathan "I don't know what the right words are, I don't even understand why I have to confess to you." I put myself out there, I said I have no idea what to say and what to start of with, handed him my scratchy writing, (yes I even sat in RIGHT in front of him, you are supposed to kneel behind the screen, yes just like in the movies)! He said that God has forgiven me and that for Penance I should burn my sins, he didn't even look at my writing. He ended off by quoting Matthew 18:18, “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
I understand now.
But Still.
"Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and I will be healed"
- said during Mass before the Eucharist is taken, based on Matthew 8:8.
Love and Light
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Summer Vacation & Things that occupy This Heart
I was supposed to be getting better at this.
I cannot capture it in one moment.
Blogging often.
Writing my thoughts down about my Journey.
Photographing more.
Being diligent.
I can be these things.
Its just that time has been passing by.
In it every moment is within it.
I cannot tell you how much Joy I have.
How filled I feel at the moment.
I only have this Joy, because I am so
aware of how broken I am.
I am aware of the deep desire I have for
Jesus to put me together.
Piece by Piece.
I only have this Joy, because I am so
aware of how broken I am.
I am aware of the deep desire I have for
Jesus to put me together.
Piece by Piece.
I cannot capture it in one moment.
In one smile.
In one creative moment.
In a burst of Laughter.
A shout or scream from the trampoline.
In a burst of Laughter.
A shout or scream from the trampoline.
One moment of holding their hands.
The other guiding their hearts while they guide mine.
The other guiding their hearts while they guide mine.
One might think I give them too much time.
But I only have, for a while, their entire hearts in mine.
To make them feel like they are the only things in this world;
while we make
sew
potter
paint
venture
write
play
read
Live
My family
On another note:
I have been reading, For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.
It's really been a blessing to stumble upon this book and and just be stretched and moved to Live with my children. (Yes I said Live...it can get that bad)
Honestly it's not easy being a mommy. Sure as anything its not easy being a child.
I sometimes wish it was always as easy as peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
Yes the little song before this paragraph sounds like a dream,
BUT lets be honest, you cannot appreciate your dreams, if you have never had a nightmare.
The thing is, I have not found myself praying and leaning on God this much in my life, EVER!
If being a parent were easy, then I would be far from Him.
And for that I am greatful.
These captures are from the Irene Dairy Farm, Centurion.
If ever you go,
take a walk
giggle
let a calf lick you
eat a freshly baked scone with clotted cream (no pictures...my hands were all sticky from the jam)
hold hands with your man
My family
On another note:
I have been reading, For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.
It's really been a blessing to stumble upon this book and and just be stretched and moved to Live with my children. (Yes I said Live...it can get that bad)
Honestly it's not easy being a mommy. Sure as anything its not easy being a child.
I sometimes wish it was always as easy as peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
Yes the little song before this paragraph sounds like a dream,
BUT lets be honest, you cannot appreciate your dreams, if you have never had a nightmare.
The thing is, I have not found myself praying and leaning on God this much in my life, EVER!
If being a parent were easy, then I would be far from Him.
And for that I am greatful.
These captures are from the Irene Dairy Farm, Centurion.
If ever you go,
take a walk
giggle
let a calf lick you
eat a freshly baked scone with clotted cream (no pictures...my hands were all sticky from the jam)
hold hands with your man
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