A Constant State of Inadequacy

You get some pretty confident people out there. (hypothetical hat off to you!)

I am  n o t  one of them.

There are very few times when I look at myself through my eyes and am only slightly content.

The rest of the time I see myself through other peoples eyes.

How terribly sad!

There are so many things in Life that I am missing out on because I am in a constant state of inadequacy. 

And I believe that I am not the only one.

Imagine if our minds were decluttered of all self negativity.

Zero self deprecation.

Your self worth was understood by YOU.

Accepted by YOU.

How would we truly feel if we believed, we are

"fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are Your works,  

m y  soul KNOWS it well."
- Psalm 139:14

I think that we would all feel a beautiful freedom.
I'm talking about the freedom to understand fault and know in your heart of hearts that understanding comes, e v e n t u a l l y.
This Knowing that the Psalmist is talking about, it can only come from God.
It is a knowledge that is always there and a knowledge that has always been there.
God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent.
The truth is here and we are created in truth.
So somewhere inside us is truth and it is beautiful.

Inadequacy and Comparability.
How often these two go together?
How often it slowly kills the soul!
We feel inadequate because we are constantly comparing ourselves. 
Constantly judging our inabilities.
Focusing on what we cannot do, instead of knowing that we can learn. 
I am learning, very slowly, that inability is not a weakness.
It does not define me.
It shows me that I am teachable. If and only, I am willing. 
If I allow myself to be consumed by all the things that I am not,
I become useless, I become a wet rag, a wet self deprecating rag.

There is honor in learning and being taught.
Honor in feeling incapable and knowing that in time you will become adequate.

Help my Unbelief by Audrey Assad

We shouldn't be comparing ourselves, God didn't create us that way. 
We are all uniquely designed and crafted, 
handmade with our own faults and our own imperfections.
But we were also designed with a beautiful craftsmanship, our own qualities
that inspire others and motivate goodness, (if we carry them out with humility).
Our own struggles.
Our own situations.
And in HIS time, and with our desire to become better, we will become beautiful.

 He has made everything beautiful in its time. 

Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, 

yet so that he cannot find out 

what God has done from the beginning to the end. 

I perceived that there is nothing better for them 

than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live;

also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—

this is God’s gift to man. 

I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; 

nothing can be added to it, 

nor anything taken from it. 

God has done it, so that people fear before him. 

That which is, 

already has been; 

that which is to be, 

already has been; 

and God seeks what has been driven away. 

- Ecclesiastes 3: 11-15 

I cannot explain how useless I felt two years into being an "at home" mom, and whilst I was reading Dwija's blog, I came across a beautiful painting "The Polish Madonna" by (not sure, have really tried to google it - probably not well enough though!) 

It made my heart so content that I cried and felt stupid about the small things I do and realised that they are important! 

The things that I lacked in like patience, mercy, grace, charity and forgiveness they would come because I deny inadequacy. Even when I fail, I will see that I am teachable because that is enough!

Polish Madonna

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Love and Light