Conversion | How it all Began

After we had Elijah I decided to go onto the Mirena.
Oh the JOYS...
Really it was.
I enjoyed it, every now and then I felt ill and would want to retch.
Normal things that happen to us ladies.
(not going to get into it).

However, last year was the year for me to remove it and I REALLY wanted to replace it.
BUT...
yep there is a but.
Some of you girls out there are probably thinking that I was crazy to add in the BUT.

So, in the mean time, Jacques was exploring Catholicism and listening to ALL kinds of awesome podcasts and reading all kinds of information and also chatting to a few of his Catholic friends; which included a man who was a catholic to protestant to catholic convert. Jacques has had about 4 - 5 years of dialoguing with the Catholic Church.

Last year July, while I was trying to look for recipes and extra worksheets for the kids to do, he was busy listening to a podcast Roots of Immorality: The Aftermath of the 1930 Lambeth Conference Fr. Eric Bergman. 
And being the wonderful husband he is, he shared and thought that I would enjoy listening to it; a christian view on contraception, before I made the decision to replace my IUD.

So I did and it totally rocked my head, the way I thought of Life.

At that point I was against abortion and I was closed to Life.
I was comfortable.
I had two Boys that were just happy, and I could NOT possibly teach another child their ABC's!
I couldn't do it.
I JUST COULD NOT DO IT!

But in God style, my ways are not His, He smacked me on the head and reminded me that only HE can speak in absolutes!

So that August I went in had the Mirena removed.
After the procedure the Dr asked what "preventative methods" had I chosen for the future.
I said "NFP."
"Uh...?? You know that you can get pregnant that way??? I suggest you go on some sort of pill?"
"I do know that I can get pregnant this way, but now I am open to Life."
She shook her head at me the same way I do when the boys have eaten a WHOLE box of smarties!

When I said it then, I did not realise that it meant Life in so many ways.

That August was the beginning of many late night, early morning, weekend long discussions/debates with Jacques. That September was the start of our RCIA classes, we were blessed to have been allowed to join half way through.

This is month 10 of our Natural Family planning. So far so good. 

I love that this began as a ProLife journey.

In so many ways!

Love & Light

Joshua Levi - 1 years Old 2006 | Reason #1 for Becoming Open to Life

Heart 2007

Elijah Daniel - 2 months old 2007  | Reason #2

Holy Week | Friday & Saturday

It takes me a long time to write!

But this is the last "about my conversion/catholic" blog post.

And I just have to write it!

Jacques and I decided to continue our Journey on a new Blog.

Details to follow...soon!

Friday

The Boys slept over at their Auntie.

So we got to get up in the morning and start the 

Novena to the Divine Mercy.

A prayer said for nine days from Good Friday.

A beautiful prayer, Jacques and I sing it with the 

Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.

*We really have been enjoying it so much!

After that we got ready and went to The 14 Stations of the Cross at Church.

WOW, we attended it during lent, but this Good Friday, it was just amazing.

So full of the Sorrowful Passion of our Christ.

The 14 Stations of the cross, is a devotion meditating on 14 "incidents", which

occurred whilst Jesus carried the cross to Golgotha.

I think everybody left the Stations feeling overwhelmed by the Love that Christ had for us!

Later that afternoon we went back for Mass, where we venerated the crucifix.

We kissed the cross.

I love that Father Jonathan reminded us that it is not the wooden cross that we kiss

which we worship, but our Jesus who sits on the Throne. That cross was just a way

to remember what was done for us!

Saturday

It started off with Morning prayers, Jacques and I as non-Catholics prayed the Divine Office 

for about three years before this. Its filled with scripture, I highly recommend it for those just wanting to pray!

After that we had our practice, just so things could run smoothly and we could learn our dance moves...

oh yes!

We danced.

Because we are African.

We dance.

When we get bad service delivery.

We dance.

When there is happiness and joy.

We dance!

Because we where the "New Ones".

We danced!

So it was our big night.

The first time that we would take communion as the actual Body and Blood of Christ!

We went up.

Anointed with oil.

My Catholic name, Mary, Mother of God)

(I would like to be like her and have the same Faith & Strength she had in God her Son)

As I approached the Eucharist.

I could feel a fire.

A bubbling.

It became a shaking.

I had to press my hands together, just so I could contain the fire in me.

The desire to fall prostrate before my Lord and King,

I had to contain

*So that the Catholic Church didn't kick me out

But I took the Body and Blood and felt so honored and so close...

I got to my seat and made myself as prostrate as I possibly could!

I could never put in words how amazing that was.

If I had to say that it was better than my wedding day or the births of my Boys,

I would not be lying. 

We ended off that beautiful moment or shall I say continued that beautiful moment with:

Chris Tomlin's How Great is Our God!

He is indeed.

And

He is Alive in Me.

Love & Light

Next blog is about crafting & torturing the BOYS!!!!

Holy Week | Wednesday & Thursday

I think I mentioned on this post that Easter was a special time for us converts in the Roman Catholic Church.
So this past Saturday night we were received into the community.

BUT before all of this I have to tell you about the Wednesday, Thursday and Fridays before Easter Saturday!

Wednesday
We celebrated the Paschal meal with the rest of the community.
Bitter leaves.
Salty water.
Boiled eggs.
Roast lamb.
Unleavened Bread.
All eaten hastily.
Just like the Israelites did all those nights ago before the Exodus.
But we finished off our meal with a some tea and a Hot Cross Bun.
Unlike the Israelites.

Thursday Night
The Mass of the Lords Supper.
It was really a beautiful mass.
The Eucharist was carried out of the Tabernacle in a procession followed by the church community carrying candles and singing really softly, almost chanting, as we walked into the "Garden of Gethsemane" (which was the hall). The Eucharist was then placed on an Altar  with a picture of Jesus holding a little child on  His breast. This is called the Altar of Repose. We were asked to spend time with the Eucharist in prayer.

I sat there with Jacques, quietly, the light from the candles in the room danced around this beautiful picture of the cross and around the Holy Communion.

I couldn't help but place myself in Gethsemane with Him, I imagined him asking me to pray with Him.
I heard in His voice, His need for me to come with Him.
To just be.
With Him.
With All of Him.
I chose to stay.
I chose to chat with Him.
I talked with Him of the time Mary said to the servants at the wedding at Cana,
"Do whatever He tells you."
I giggled but I desired to have the Faith she had in Her Son.

I only chose to stay,
because I knew what was coming.
I know now that the right thing to choose was to stay and pray.
A reality hit.
My Jesus needs me.
For everyday I put Him back in Gethsemane and then on the Cross.
And yet He leaves me with
an empty tomb.
A clean heart.

Love and Light

Conversion | Sacrament of Reconciliation

I have been wanting to write this for a while now.
I not sure how to go about, yes I feel that way even as I write.

Our conversion to Catholicism has raised some interesting lunch talks.
At the moment it is a sensitive topic amongst our family.
(Our family is Christian but Non Catholic)
I couldn't give you their part.
We love them and they love us, for now that's what we all need!

I guess some of the popular questions are:
Do you believe in Jesus?
What about the Trinity?
You guys still believe that Jesus died for our sins, right?
Mary!!! But Catholics worship Mary!!!
Do you?

Yep Catholics believe in Jesus and that He died for our sins.
And yes to the Trinity.

Yes we honor Mary, worship, no.
She had a huge part to play.
She raised Jesus.
Given that He became fully Man.
She was His Mother.
I am a Mother.
Its not easy to bring up a little bub, then toddler, then teenager, then young adult and then to bear witness to His death. 
A painful one. 

More on Conversion

When we became Catholic, we had to join a group called the RCIA | Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, like catechism for grown ups. You have to attend this class for a year, after Easter all the way through till the next Easter mass. 

Here you learn about the Catholic Church; the historical church (all the good and bad stuff), the modern church,the pope and the Petrine seat, confession, lent, advent, the liturgy of the Catholic church (one of the main reasons of our conversion), the mass, Mary, The Saints and why we pray to them, The Nicene Creed, the Lords Prayer, The Eucharist and loads more.

Lent is a special time for us new converts, at the beginning of the season we get presented to the Bishop as the Elect and our names are entered into a book. (This happens ALL over the world on the same day). Before we left our Parish our Priest performed the Blessing of the Senses Ceremony.
Here we were presented to our church community and some of them stand around us;
they make the the sign of the cross on our:
Eyes - to be able to see the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Ears - to be able to hear the cross/gospel of Christ in the World
Lips - to have the courage to speak the cross/ gospel of Christ to the World
Shoulders - to carry the cross with Christ in this World
Hands - to take and be the gospel to this World
Feet - to go with the Gospel.
So it was a beautiful thing that happened to Jacques and I.
All of those words were so beautiful to me and still are.

The Catholic Church has sacraments and one of them is the Sacrament of Reconciliation, in other words Confession. So for a Non Catholic its a life time of Sin! However given that I was baptized when I was 17, only 15 years then of confession!!!
STILL.
It was daunting and I had spent a fair amount of time arguing with God, telling Him that I thought I had dealt with this and that and now I have to bring it all up again!!! And that I did not need my Parish Priest judging me on things that God had already spoken to me about and disciplined me. Yep and you know what, I sat down, meditated, went through the Beatitudes, the Seven Deadly sins, my life, my heart; for two weeks and even up until the point before I walked into the confession booth I was scratching into my book sins that just came up and out and things that I did not think were anything at all at the time of doing them.

I went in and said to Father Jonathan "I don't know what the right words are, I don't even understand why I have to confess to you." I put myself out there, I said I have no idea what to say and what to start of with, handed him my scratchy writing, (yes I even sat in RIGHT in front of him, you are supposed to kneel behind the screen, yes just like in the movies)! He said that God has forgiven me and that for Penance I should burn my sins, he didn't even look at my writing. He ended off by quoting Matthew 18:18, “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

I understand now.
But Still.

"Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and I will be healed" 
- said during Mass before the Eucharist is taken, based on Matthew 8:8.

Love and Light

Happenings

Its been a while since my last blog, and for someone who complains that their readership is low, its silly! So honestly, its me to blame.

A few things have been happening in my life and I'm not sure if I have the captures (photos) to capture these honest situations.

Happening One:
Recently my Jacques and myself decided that we found a home in Catholicism.
Not sure if you know this about us but we both met at a Theological seminary twelve years ago.
Yep!

I was brought up as an honest baptist girl.
My Dad, having been put through Bible school and very involved in various outreach ministries, is finding this hard to come to terms with. He still loves me though.
And so are other family members.

Honestly, I want to try and write more about my conversion.
The way I feel.
The way my heart skips a beat when I hear
"Glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now and forever shall be.
World Without End."
The reverence that comes into my body, mind, soul and heart when I kneel before the Blessed Sacrament.
The deep respect I have for Mary, Mother of Jesus.
A quick note:
My love and adoration of Mary began when my Systematic Theology lecturer at Baptist College, D. Morcorm, presented her to us as "Theotokos" greek for God Carrier, 11 years ago.
More about Mary later.

Jacques and I have always taken our relationship with God beautifully; He really is knitted into our marriage and our friendship and our relationship with the Boys.
By no means am I saying that we have perfected our relationship with Him.
I mean that because we Love God and desire to know Him, to relate to Him, to draw nearer to him;
we have allowed ourselves to fall completely at His risk.

I may not be making sense, but in my heart it does.
I trust that my Life is in His hands and that He will carry me through this.

I'm not sure how you feel, or if you even understand why people would treat us differently, but I would appreciate that you comment on it.

Happening Two:
South Africans begin their new school year in January, actually most schools opened last Monday.
My Boys are homeschooled, two out of the 100 000 homeschoolers in South Africa, so only a small amount of kids being taught at home, here in ZA.

We all have a different reasons for choosing the way our children are educated.
Not sure what mine are right now, but I love them, I want them to learn all the time, and I want them to learn differently; because they are different.

This year Josh, 7, goes into Grade 3, by South African Law, it is an assessment year.
Timetables, assessments, reports and specific pages have to be submitted...
More pressure!
Funny enough, I thought that this would be the year that I would be more of a parent with him and not militant (I can be that way, I'm working through my issues, believe me its hard!).
But you know what...
I'm going to do it, this year, more fun, less pages, I'm thinking about ONLY doing the assessment pages
*Ha! shhhh don't tell!

Lijie, I'm just going to see where he ends up on a day to day basis.
He struggles with auditory processing, and remembering verbal information directly given to him.
Just so you don't get me wrong, the boy knows EVERYTHING that we teach Josh; his stuff ehh let's say he kinda gets it.
(*sigh* much patience is needed with this little number.)

Choosing a curriculum; Christian based, Country based, age appropriate or just winging it because they are your kids...its not easy.

As a homeschool Mommy, I feel like I'm always been looked at, ok, judged, for what I do or don't do. As a family we have chosen a specific way to live, and yes it changes all the time, because we grow and learn all the time, we adapt or we choose not too, in whatever way we feel. However, I'm a woman and not sure about you, but most of the time I just feel judged.

(I know I'm rambling but this is the way my mind is right now)

Happening Three:
So I want to do something.
Start something.
Sew for an income.
I'm not good yet.
But this girl can make BAGS!!
I know!
And craft a few other things.
But I want to make it a Home business.
I have decided on a name and some products.
I have to start making these things and book a table at a craft show soon.
BUT...
I'm going to have to give myself some time.

So any advice would be much appreciated.

And for now, I'm just going to give you 3 Happenings.

Lijies $1 dollar find at the SPCA shop

A go at a hand painted canvas for market totes

Celebrating St Nicholas Day with cousins

Jesse Tree, only got as far as David!  

Packing Boxes for our babies at the Shelter

She is not a dog, she is our sister and is very much treated that way!

Thanks for lending me your time, eyes and heart!

Love and Light